Newsletter #2: Your flop era is the secret recipe

Starting off with what i have been up to:

Been in the studio. Making things happen. Lots of good news right now, but ones that I cannot share with anyone until i am ready or rather until things are set in stone. Outside of March for Art at InLiquid (which i noticed was taken off their website… I guess it’s sold out!), nothing i can reveal right now!

Happenings in the studio:

Took me three days which was quite a challenge. I have had a lot of time to reflect on this one before taking on another project which in a lot of ways is a good practice to have.

With that said, here is today’s reflection: 

With Black History Month being wiped away by the Tr*mp administration, the impulsive purchase I made that I now have to pay back and just entertaining a life that feels less and less authentic, I have officially entered my flop era. 

I have been having conversations with my boyfriend about slowing down, 2020, and challenging myself. The piece I included in the email today is the result of multiple sessions and the will to let go of any sense of urgency when it comes to my work. Who is pressing you about making work? When you are an undergraduate art student and you have 10 projects that your mind allows you to complete in a week back to back (which to be fair isn’t something I’d recommend), maybe there is something to be said about pumping out work like a factory. 

For the many years that I have been on social media, people have seen the rate at which I am able to share my work, the pace at which I am able to make I am starting to remember what one of my professors at the time used to tell me “Z, you will burn yourself out but if that’s how you want to learn the lesson, so be it”. I have not burnt myself as of yet but I am considering: sustainability as a mode of expansion. As I am transitioning into wanting to attend graduate school, things might be looking a lot more different with my approach to my work and I think it is a good thing that I am starting to address what needs to change. I don’t want my career to go up and down because of my inability to slow down. I want to be in the middle where things look somewhat stable, where I find a flow that works for me; a rhythm that I can sustain. 

I think a lot about the nature of the art world and what is asked out of artists: the over production trend which results in the market being saturated and artists work being devalued as a side effect. With no gallery show deadlines to meet, I can probably focus my time on my practice and what it means to me/the direction I’d like it to go. I always talk about how I do not want to be a “spur of the moment” type of artist because I want things to last but think it is time to recognize that the first step to career longevity is a sustainable practice; a practice rooted in good habits, where the mind and body have had proper time to recharge, recoup and trained to accept that giving it time is the foray to a long career. This goes to all kinds of artistic disciplines out there not just the ones that are adjacent to fine arts. 

With all of that said: why am I insisting on calling a time where things are slower, less momentous a flop era?

A flop era implies that we have peaks and troughs of time (could be short term or extended) that we associate with personal failure/decreased sense of accomplishment. Am I experiencing failure? I wouldn’t quite say so. The reason why I decided to call this phase of my life my flop era, a term that I am choosing (or rather that imposed itself upon me), to reflect on this critical point of my journey where I’m not quite sure what’s “next”, is mainly because of its nature. It’s hard not to know what is next for you when you’ve had a time of back to back “I know what I am doing”. As short lived as it was, having a clear sense of direction felt comforting. Now feels more like unprecedented times (figuratively and metaphorically if you can catch my vibe), times where I am forced to look at where I started and where I am at. I have lived from showings to showings for a few years but am now realizing that it might’ve not been as viable as I thought especially for someone my age. 

Essentially this is a time where I have no idea what to do. It is uncertain and in a lot of ways scary. I am slowly leaning into the fact that it is okay to not know, certainty and predictability isn’t what you are signing up for if you decide to take on a creative career and this is something that I almost forgot and had put at the back of my head. Simply put: what I once considered to be flopping is actually just challenging myself to let go of notions and ideals I had held onto. I am reshaping what my practice means to me and how I would like it to look and feel like moving forward and this is the scariest thing I could’ve ever done (outside of moving to America when i was 19).

In the end, my flop era might not be as bad and dramatic as I am making it seem. It is just a very much needed time of introspection, interrogation and recalibration which I am hoping to lean into and learn from as much as I can. Sometimes it’s a gift to flop. 

Here’s a song I kept thinking about kinda sorta related to this:

Tirzah - I’m not dancing

Toodles!

Zeinab